You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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