paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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