white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
