that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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