Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
