Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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