My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
