just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
