so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
