she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
