Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
