i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
