Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?

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(734): Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa? http://tfl.nu/jog8

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(973): View more from New Jersey

How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson

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(973): How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson http://tfl.nu/43b3

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(850): View more from Florida

I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.

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(850): I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken. http://tfl.nu/xxkh

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

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(403): I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night. http://tfl.nu/12y8

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(707): View more from California

I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.

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(707): I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it. http://tfl.nu/727e

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

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(412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".

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(780): just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency". http://tfl.nu/5vs5

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked

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(612): Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked http://tfl.nu/3gae

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.

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(603): He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car. http://tfl.nu/1mzx

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(201): View more from New Jersey

There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.

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(201): There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now. http://tfl.nu/urj5

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(615): View more from Tennessee

id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.

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(615): id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour. http://tfl.nu/zhs1

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(519): View more from Ontario

This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace

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(519): This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace http://tfl.nu/d3z0

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(714): View more from California

We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.

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(714): We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked. http://tfl.nu/xyq8

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(973): View more from New Jersey

How did you even find out?

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."

(973): View more from New Jersey

Oh.

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(973): How did you even find out? (1-973): Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom." (973): Oh. http://tfl.nu/227x

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.

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(608): She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws. http://tfl.nu/2p61

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