so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.