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Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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