hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.