8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.