Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
