I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
