Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
