she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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