what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
