I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
