There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
