then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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