I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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