I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
