Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish you could order shots online.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
