Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
