let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
