Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
