I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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