she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
that is very illegal...i love you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
