I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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