and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
