We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
