i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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