Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
