Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize