I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
