Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize