I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
