i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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