She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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