and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
