Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
