I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
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The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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