Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
