Someone shit on the floor
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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