so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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