these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
