I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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