the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
