i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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