somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
