Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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