You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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