Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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