the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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