I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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