he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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